Mixing Inside

I sit searching for the right words.
They do not surface.
Hidden below the emotions that are mixing inside.
Happy. Sad. Grateful. Blessed. Insecure. Hesitant. Hopeful.
Melting into the walls of my heart.

I lock my suitcase.
Zip it up.
And tears begin to well in my eyes.
This is goodbye? ‘Til next time?

Not yet. Please, not yet.
All my words are swimming,
dancing,
churning,
losing their weight.

I’m floating into reality again.
Putting it off for another day.
Enjoying life like I’ve never tried before.
Letting others see me living.
Not wanting some to walk away.

Will I ever believe in words,
that other people say?